Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
