One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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