I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
