I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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