my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
