this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
