I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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