youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
