There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
