Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
