I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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