she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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