what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
