Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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