I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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