mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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