I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Do you still have your period?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
