guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think my moral compass just broke
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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