i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
