Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
