It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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