This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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