fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is Oprah even human
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
