In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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