i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
