oh god the rape fog is back!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
