got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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