Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
