I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
