quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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