someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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