I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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