i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
