It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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