a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
