Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
