my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
