well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
