Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
