I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
