he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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