I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my being single is dangerous.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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