don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
