so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
