Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
