he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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