i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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