Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
