i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
