you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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