note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
