how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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