I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
